The realization...and the return

Yesterday, I was struck by the realization of the absolute disregard I have been treating myself with. And the various objects of distraction that have abetted my insincerity towards myself have been worthless distractions and mindless preoccupations.

I was shallow. All I wanted was to possess people and things. I took contentment in the pain and melancholy of how I had loved, never gained…and yet still lost. I was bored stiff, not knowing that boredom is more internal rather than external.

I wallowed in the comfort of knowing that I could do better had circumstances and luck been in my favor. I wanted love and attention of the people who had reasons for not giving it to me.

Mindless preoccupations.

Yesterday, I had a “Buddha under the tree” moment. So much has snapped into focus again.

There is now this madness of getting work done, taking care of my family, fiancé and friends. I guess my 3-month vacation was getting to do more harm than good. Excess of everything is bad…that’s the law that probably started to kick in!

But hey…WHEW! I think that was a small price to pay to learn a lesson!

So now, here I am, relaxed, rejuvenated and with a new passion for life, love and my blog!!!

Lets rock!!

schedule schmedule

Sunday. Again. A pretty nasty one!

Was up at 2:30 am. Cleaned up my apartment. Watched a movie. Chatted with a friend for 2 hours. Lay in bed from 7am to 8am. Got dressed and went grocery shopping. Had breakfast and read for a while. Killed some time online.
...
...
Blogging.
...
...
Shall go out for lunch in a while. Have no friggin clue about how I shall fill the remainder of the day but am sure it won’t be any biggie. I trust myself to find stuff to do without the effort of trying. *Yawn!*

I used to have a lot to say...Occasionally, I still do when I get down to blogging. I guess the charm/trust/privacy/insert-convenient-word-here has faded.

Re-post!

Yeah...that’s what I thought! I logged back in just to check whether I had blogged yesterday. Apparently, I had. Hah!
However, yesterday’s post is not one of my favorites. Least favorite? Perhaps. But I do wanna take my time before I annihilate it from the surface of all the screens that visit/frequent my blog. These things always exit without a trace. I think that’s both good and bad...maybe more good than bad.
Hmmm...the more I think about it...the more my determination strengthens. The entry has gotta go.
There! I just executed my idea before the haze of uncertainty set in. Now I’d better change the topic or else I shall come across as an OCD afflicted psycho. Hmmm...or maybe I’ll just blog some other time.