Are you friggin kiddin me?

Holy Crap! Are you friggin kiddin me?? Is this for real? I wonder how it works. Replacing anger and negativity with pleasant thoughts, perhaps? Looks like someone naive is shooting for the moon.
Good Plan! Yeah, lets just make everyone a marshmallow now. And then we can all go camping, eat smores all night long, tell one another tales filled with idealism and discuss what we can do to make the world a better place.
Definitely NOT something that will figure on my wish list.
I know, no one asked me...that's why I'm saying what I am saying. If someone did ask me, I probably would not have said anything.

pathetically busy

Holy Crap! Either my multitasking abilities suck or I have taken too much upon myself or I have a way too lazy ass or I am inadequate or my days are too short or I am the victim of a government conspiracy or I am a lab rat for some psychological / medical experiment or I just happen to work for the wrong people or I am really very busy. (I think its the last option).
Damn it! So much to do and so little time. Deadlines...mostly overlapping and sometimes back to back...So many things to squeeze into 24 hours...I reckon I could not eat a peanut if it were not on my schedule. (Occasional) 10 minutes of blogging, 10 minutes maintaining my diary, 30 minutes reading, 15 minutes on a crossword puzzle and 15 minutes each for lunch and dinner...these 80 minutes are all I freaking get! Getting screwed has never been so frustrating!

my 'i'm on a social roll' day

Today was a good day. I think.

Circumstances allowed me a lot of social interaction, which has a multitude of benefits. You get to learn a LOT about yourself…most of which you did not know in the first place. For example: I learned that I “purposely ignored” to acknowledge the presence of a batch mate at the Saturday market last week. I also learned that I am having an affair with the professor I am secretly in love with. I can’t really argue with the last part of that sentence…and neither can I fight the exhilaration the first part of the sentence sets running through me.

So, what is this “social interaction” I talk about composed of? Well, it started with my bumping into my old neighbors this morning. They told me they were finally getting married, which was big news for me coz I didn’t know they were not married. This followed a rather short conversation with an acquaintance whom I met while getting lunch. After lunch and before attending my only class for the day I met up with a couple of batch mates who started to talk about the upcoming University elections. After class, I sat chatting with my best girls for around an hour and a half. Then I bumped into my ex-roomie while on my way to the library…we got chatty again and blabbed on for about half an hour. Then I spent an hour and a half studying at the library and met up with another long lost friend while on my way back home.

And now, I have a headache…which feels like more of a hangover! But that’s something a couple of Tylenol’s can easily take care of.

I have a comparatively relaxed weekend ahead of me, which I hope will be filled with movies, pizza, no showers, reading, and spent in jammies and slippers. I don’t wanna get outta bed this weekend…but if I could do exactly what I wanted to…the world (and not just my life) would be completely different!

Anyhoo…Gotta run!

I need some Z's

It is 6:30 am on a Sunday morning. I don’t know whether it was my stiff neck that woke me up or the stupid chirp of those damn birds outside my window. Whatever the reason might be, I think getting just 3 hours of sleep on a Sunday is almost illegal...

Life does have its strange ways.

I am not a believer in destiny, but I find it hard to explain situations where stuff happens without any direct involvement from my side. Like situations where people mess up and I have to either bear the brunt or live with the new circumstances. I am not emphasizing on any kinda victimization here…that’s something I don’t believe in either. Belief in the theory of “victim of circumstances” is a necessary and sufficient condition for belief in destiny. The opposite may/may not be true. I don’t know.
So, what happened yesterday?
Yesterday was the day I was deceived by a person whom I had no trust in anyway. (Yes, that can happen.) I don’t trust people easy, but I don’t let my distrust to penetrate into my equation with a person. Rudely put, you can think of all my relationships with people as one sided…and that side is theirs. So I found out something about this one guy (lets call him MF…just to add a dash of humor!), which I was prepared for, but by no means expecting.
Just like the proverbial cookie, all relationships crumble. In this case, however, I did not see it coming so soon. It was not painful nor numbing…it was just something that happened along with things like studying at the library, grocery shopping, watching TV and all that other stuff I do on a daily basis.
Deception angers me. And my anger rarely ever surfaces. This should mean that I am frustrated…I don’t really feel frustrated…I’m just a little cloudy about what I’m feeling. Its silent, nagging, fuzzy, arbitrary, un-manifested…yeah…I’m irritated. That’s what I am. Irritated. Hmmm…I’m smiling at my discovery. Writing always does it for me! Good! I feel so much better now!
Wow! Now all this reflection calls for a movie and popcorn!
Later!

commodification?

“Duality” of behavior is something I could never agree with and I have come to realize that its homogeny isn’t something too simple to comprehend or concur with either.
To a decent extent, the behavior of a person should depend on the person(s) being dealt with. Perhaps like our behavior vis-à-vis our family/ close friends has to differ from our behavior vis-à-vis our acquaintances. Uniformity of behavior with everyone you know just goes to show that you probably don’t have much to offer in terms of conversation, thoughts, ideas, company etc. Moreover, it also makes everyone around you feel as though they have been slated to a generalization…a sign of terrible soft skills.
I thought my, albeit platonic, relationship with someone was mutually exclusive. But when I hear these snippets of “my conversations” as a third person’s experience…it makes me wonder about the very nature of my relationship. I mean, WTF? It burns me up really…the very thought is obnoxious! I feel deceived…but I simply cannot challenge it. Heck! I am not even supposed to know about these “other” conversations. What people talk with others is none of my business. But it troubles me anyway.
What makes a relationship special? What makes them tick? What if all relationships were the same…and had the same thing keeping them in momentum? What if you shared a dozen identical relationships with 12 people who were acquaintances? How are they supposed to feel?
Really, WTF!! This is perhaps the most inconsiderate mean spirited experience I have ever had.
But, what you gonna do?

............

What to write? I feel dumb...
*I realized that I have finally met my match.
*Coffee does not help dehydration...I learned that the hard way!
*I'm halfway through Wuthering Heights. Considering the work load, I should be done with it by the end of this month. Amen!
*Is everyone taking crazy pills?
*Someone I care for very deeply is making me feel...whatsdaword...ordinary...sad but true...
*Note to self: Snap outta it!
.....More tomorrow (hopefully!)...