yet another dilemma...
If you do not really care what you end up doing about something that you should/shouldn’t do…you should do whatever people who know you well think you should do. True or False?
That’s my dilemma.
There is an aspect of my life I really don’t bother about. So my indecision rather…lack of decision…caused me to go with the flow, thinking that maybe somewhere down the line I’ll feel strongly for/against it and eventually THAT realization would trigger my going through with the thing or dropping it off all together.
That didn’t happen!
I floated down the stream, never feeling the want to pull out of the mild current of the waters…and now I can sense the cascade up ahead. The current is becoming stronger…pulling me with it. But the desire to pull away still does not exist. I went through with something I didn’t care about…I still don’t care about it. But I have these moments when I feel either extremely for or extremely against it. but that’s just what they are…moments…fleeting moments….and the oscillating pro-anti stances balance each other out. In my case “pro” amounts to desperation and “anti” corresponds to freedom.
So, now that I feel the fall looming around the corner, I find this question coming up my mind….Am I prepared to go in a direction from where there is no return? Is my indecision gonna be the end of everything? It’s a very frustrating thought doing constant rounds in my head.
Is it right to live life on one’s terms to SUCH an extreme that people you care about start thinking that they and their thoughts don’t matter to you any more? Is it right to live such a life where you listen to everyone you love and respect and one day wake up to the fact that your life has just been an extension of other peoples lives? Okay, I agree…those were 2 extreme cases. But coming back to what I was saying earlier…what if you trust the judgment of your experienced well-wishers and do something you are not really capable of thinking about? As Murphy’s Laws would have it…2 possible cases exist:
(1) You don’t listen to them and then a few years down the line, you realize what a grave mistake it was to not listen to the advice of people who knew what they were talking about.
(2) You listen to them, and after a few years you realize that you did something completely different from what you wanted to do. Your life is not the life you envisioned for yourself.
You’re screwed both ways. When things go wrong, or when things could have been better…the responsibility for actions almost always comes in the same package as guilt.
In my particular case I gotta chose between selling my soul for a piece of heaven or keeping my soul and going to hell. Of course, my critics always say that I am exaggerating the case…but if I am exaggerating…why does it feel so extreme?
That’s my dilemma.
There is an aspect of my life I really don’t bother about. So my indecision rather…lack of decision…caused me to go with the flow, thinking that maybe somewhere down the line I’ll feel strongly for/against it and eventually THAT realization would trigger my going through with the thing or dropping it off all together.
That didn’t happen!
I floated down the stream, never feeling the want to pull out of the mild current of the waters…and now I can sense the cascade up ahead. The current is becoming stronger…pulling me with it. But the desire to pull away still does not exist. I went through with something I didn’t care about…I still don’t care about it. But I have these moments when I feel either extremely for or extremely against it. but that’s just what they are…moments…fleeting moments….and the oscillating pro-anti stances balance each other out. In my case “pro” amounts to desperation and “anti” corresponds to freedom.
So, now that I feel the fall looming around the corner, I find this question coming up my mind….Am I prepared to go in a direction from where there is no return? Is my indecision gonna be the end of everything? It’s a very frustrating thought doing constant rounds in my head.
Is it right to live life on one’s terms to SUCH an extreme that people you care about start thinking that they and their thoughts don’t matter to you any more? Is it right to live such a life where you listen to everyone you love and respect and one day wake up to the fact that your life has just been an extension of other peoples lives? Okay, I agree…those were 2 extreme cases. But coming back to what I was saying earlier…what if you trust the judgment of your experienced well-wishers and do something you are not really capable of thinking about? As Murphy’s Laws would have it…2 possible cases exist:
(1) You don’t listen to them and then a few years down the line, you realize what a grave mistake it was to not listen to the advice of people who knew what they were talking about.
(2) You listen to them, and after a few years you realize that you did something completely different from what you wanted to do. Your life is not the life you envisioned for yourself.
You’re screwed both ways. When things go wrong, or when things could have been better…the responsibility for actions almost always comes in the same package as guilt.
In my particular case I gotta chose between selling my soul for a piece of heaven or keeping my soul and going to hell. Of course, my critics always say that I am exaggerating the case…but if I am exaggerating…why does it feel so extreme?
posted by Freeway Hippie at 3/23/2006 10:47:00 AM
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