i'm SO stressed out!

I’m having a hard time. I am frustrated with the lack of results of my efforts. It angers me to know that I am just “getting by” with my work. I am working hard, putting in huge amounts of hours and sweating it all out but the constant presence of deadlines on my head makes my work suffer. Okay, ‘suffer’ was the wrong word. It makes my work average. Which is terrible and completely unacceptable to me. And I don’t know if the retrospective amusement value of the entire episode is greater than the sheer pathetic nature of it all. And as if all the head banging wasn’t enough, I realized what makes it all worse….people! Basically, there are 3 kinds of people who make it worse for you. (1) The pretty people. They do average work but it is more than appreciated coz they are pretty AND a little brainy. And so the low expectations they set are almost always exceeded. (2) The suckers. They will do absolutely anything to please the bosses. I am surprised they can stand up straight after bending over backwards almost every time they meet a faculty member. (3) The whiz kids. What do I say now? They just make something you couldn’t figure out in 3 hours look like skating on ice! And you know, I belong to none of those categories. That gives me hard time. Now go back to sentence #1 of this blog and start reading again…

So anyway, somewhere before the last sentence and now, I went to the lab to figure out the Logic Analyzer once again. Surprise Surprise…it needed some firmware to be installed on it. so now its in working order but I still gotta get fluent with its operation before I start instructing it later this week. And my lousy spirits were just coming up to sea level when a new project was posted for this term. I hit rock bottom once again. I honestly feel that when things go wrong…everything starts to tumble. And that is SO unfair. I wanna talk to someone about everything. I wanna get it outta my system. But the one person who I can talk to is “personally unapproachable” coz we share only a working relationship. I simply don’t know how to talk to him about my problems. Moreover, I wonder about the lack of propriety of talking with him about things he is not supposed to care about. I mean, I would find it weird if he talked with me about his personal life…Damn! I don’t know!

Then there is the issue of taxes and bills and all that crap.

I wish someone would tell me to take it easy. That it all doesn’t really matter. I wouldn’t listen to them, of course, but it would be a huge relief to have someone like that. I share too many professional relationships and too few personal ones. But it is both a stimulus and a response. I don’t get time for personal equations coz I am so involved with work and study. And personal equations are VERY time consuming.

Aww hell! I’ll figure something out in time, I guess. But now I gotta go prepare for a guest lecture I am giving tomorrow.

Over and out!