i was with stupid!

okay...i just HAVE to get this down before i forget any details. this is an ACTUAL converstaion that transpired no more than 5 hours back! and i have been dying to get to my laptop and punch it all down! for the sake of stupidity....ummm....i mean simplicity, lets just call the other person in the dialogue DOOFUS!
Doofus: its dead.
Me: huh? what?
Doofus: ite dead!!!!!
Me: whats dead?
Doofus: my pet.
Me: oh no! i'm sorry! oh no! i hate it when this happens! thats why i didnt keep any pets when my dear Simba died. i can understand youre upset! anything i can do to make you feel better?? get you come coffee perhaps? say, how come you never told me you had a pet?
Doofus: i didnt.
Me: huh? i dont get it.
Doofus: i didnt have a pet.
Me: ummmm??? what died?
Doofus: the ladybird.
Me: the what? you had a ladybird for a pet?
Doofus: NO! youre not understanding what i am saying.
Me: youre not saying anything dude!!! what is it with you today?
Doofus: the ladybird died.
Me: are you drunk?
Doofus: i dont know....i just had 2 shots of vodka and a breezer.
Me: hmmmm....that figures.
Doofus: the ladybird died. it wasnt my pet.
Me: yeah!
(By now i knew that doofus was drunk...no point in continuing this conversation....BUT.....)
Doofus: she just came into my apartment one day....
Me: are we still talking about the ladybird?
Doofus: yeah....and i started to look after her....i kept her in a bottle with a lettuce leaf for her to eat.
Me: i see....how do you know it was a she??
Doofus: LADY bird! sheesh! are YOU drunk or something?
Me: no...sorry i asked...i was just thinking about something else.
Doofus: you gotta pay more attention you know....this lack of concentration isnt good. you should be more alert.
Me: how did she die?
Doofus: who?
Me: the LADYBIRD.
Doofus: yeah...i think she drowned or something?
Me: HUH??? drowned? you filled up the bottle with water?
Doofus: well...i thought she was thirsty...i put a little water and then my doorbell rang....remember i told you it was real loud and clangy?
Me: yeah, i get it....it drowned.
Doofus: but it wasnt my fault!! i didnt kill her!!!
Me: but you DID!
Doofus: it was an accident!!
Me: ever heard of manslaughter?
Doofus: yeah, i watched the practice...
Me: you killed her....
Doofus: youre a creep....get off me!! argh! and i thought you were my friend! you backstabber....
Me: yeah! right! shoot the messenger!!!
Doofus: hmmm.....i think i am drunk....
Me: i know you are...
Doofus: yeah...
Me: yeah....
Doofus: so you done preparing for the mid term?
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