encounters of the ugh kind...

I discriminate. That is something I learned about myself yesterday. Actually, I didn’t LEARN it as much as I became AWARE of a dormant belief in my system. It just so happened that I was subject to a trigger condition yesterday and my response to the stimulus (which was by no means premeditated) ended with my labeling myself as somewhat of a bigot.

I will maintain ambiguity on the nature of my discrimination and perhaps even deny it if accused of it. But the only reason why I wont admit it is because I understand the sensitivity of the issue and its penchant for attracting negativity from my circle of friends, co-workers and acquaintances.

Moreover, it is not something that defines who I am (it merely signifies my dislike) so it is none of anyone’s business anyway.

The degree of my revulsion took me by surprise, though. I find it strange that our sub-conscience dictates what we feel when we’re in unchartered territory. So much so that it affects our behavior towards people. I am quite good at disguising my feelings but yesterday I was so fazed out, unequipped and unprepared, that I took to escapism. Sensitive people can detect when people are avoiding them, so I really don’t know if I made a statement by my inaction.

I don’t know if this is my guilt speaking or my novice-ness. After all, the first time we do something...it almost always makes us reflect.

At the cost of being (utterly) politically incorrect, here is an innuendo (which is screaming out a little too much for comfort): Definition of a lesbian: Just another woman trying to do a man’s job!